and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
