Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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