Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
