You smell like a Billy Joel song
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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