I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
