Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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