Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize