Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
