I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
