This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
