It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My dick has a subreddit
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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