What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
