BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
