I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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