If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
