At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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