i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
