hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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