goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
