dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
