We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
