Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
