Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
