hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
