I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
