If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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