I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
