normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
