how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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