Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
