I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
