I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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