I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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