i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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