just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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