I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
