ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize