I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
