I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I want a musical about memes.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
