a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
