I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You made out with two different species that night
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
