The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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