The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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