Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
