i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
