i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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