Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
