one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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