God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
