The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
