I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
