i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
