Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
