Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
