we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
