i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
