Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
