it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
