Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
