Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
