she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
