Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
