Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
