4 words: hood of his car
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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