he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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