i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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