theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
