My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
