I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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