All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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