We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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