Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
