The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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