whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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