I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just forgot I was standing up.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize