i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
