You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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