was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
