I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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