I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
