I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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