If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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