you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
