I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
