Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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