If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
