Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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