best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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