Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We have started to decorate penises.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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