When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So vagazzling was a success
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
