So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
