I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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