there's paper in my vomit.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
