Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
