I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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