So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize