we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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