I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
