I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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