There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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